Today Jake asked me if I was going to get sad again, and my heart broke because I didn’t know how to say “yeah, it could happen” and “I’m sorry for not being a good dad to you sometimes,” so I just changed the subject.

Sometimes I think about fall mornings when the windows were open and the house was bitterly cold, but you were warm next to the coffeepot in my t-shirt.

You were warm, the house was bitter and cold.

You are now bitter and cold, the house is warm.

There is something about going back that I am no good at. I don’t go back to say goodbye if I’ve already left. I don’t say sorry for yelling or angry words or anything really. I don’t like to walk back into the family that left me. I don’t blame them. I don’t like who I was. But my ego and pride is often all I have had to cling to.

chlochloariadne
embarassinglysexualurl:

preamea123:

aphrohdites:

fox-party:

We found this in an abandoned parking lot today

this breaks my heart a little
I don’t even care that this has color, it’s going on my blog. Quite touching. 

Aw :(

"When I die, will they remember not what I did, but what I haven’t done? It’s not the end that I fear with each breath, it’s life that scares me to death."

embarassinglysexualurl:

preamea123:

aphrohdites:

fox-party:

We found this in an abandoned parking lot today

this breaks my heart a little

I don’t even care that this has color, it’s going on my blog. Quite touching. 

Aw :(

"When I die, will they remember not what I did, but what I haven’t done? It’s not the end that I fear with each breath, it’s life that scares me to death."

Small Update

  • Brit and I have not really spoken in over 3 weeks. It’s for the best. Not because we are not good for each other or because we do not love each other, but because things are better for us individually to be apart and live our own lives. She talks to Jake at least every other day, as she is across the world, but the conversations I have with her are minimal and less than five minutes.
  • I am sort of dating this other girl, but it’s not serious. And we’re not having sex. I am sort of dating this guy, but it’s not serious. And we aren’t having sex either. They both know about each other.
  • I have put my MA on hold, and right now I am just lecturing and chilling the fuck out. I stepped back from the Center to work on University policy.
  • I’ve lost five pounds. 15 more to go. Pumped.
  • I
  • don’t
  • want
  • to
  • die
  • like
  • I
  • did
  • last
  • month.